Hi guys:) I’m finally going to start talking about something that has been very edgy for me to share because I haven’t wanted to trigger anyone or make them upset with what I’m about to suggest as an at-home practice. I also want to note right away that *I DO NOT PERFORM ANY OF THESE SERVICES* They are resources for you to use at home only. Phew, now I feel better:) Please close the tab if you think this might be too much for you. P.S. I LOVE God and do all I can to stay closer to the Divine. I recommend it for anyone who is feeling stuck, shut down, disconnected from themselves or their partner, or anyone alive. At best, it can bring you to God, at worst, it can’t be any worse than some of your negative thoughts. lol.
The practice I want to talk about is about Orgasmic Meditation. It’s a Buddhist practice that existed for a long time, and was re-invented by One Taste. The purpose of this practice is to re-awaken aliveness in our bodies, to heal sexual shame, sexual trauma, and inauthentic sexual expression. It teaches us boundaries (ironically), how to tune into a partner’s nervous system, how to know what you want and how to ask for it, how to give ourselves permission to feel good, how to receive without guilt or shame, how to create intimacy and passion with your life yourself & your partner, to learn about what you like, how to give yourself RADICAL permission to feel whatever you feel and having that be OK- without having to be better, do something, change something, etc. You get to learn that how you feel and the sensations you experience are ALL OK and can all be accepted and welcomed into your heart. (If you want to do it that way). You learn to stay intimate with both expansions and contractions in yourself- THIS IS MAJOR!! Staying intimate with our direct experience, without going into our heads or resisting or blocking life is how we regain vitality and innocent, childlike aliveness in our world. Whether you’re using this technique or not for practice being with DIRECT EXPERIENCE, you will start feeling the way you want to feel, even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes. What we want is Life; what we want is ourselves; what we want is to FEEL without it being too overwhelming. This practice will help with that.
I live in Boulder, so I’ve pretty much heard of every odd healing modality possible. I used to joke about these people a lot, thinking they were just lonely people with bad boundaries. That’s probably true for some of the people. But I’ve met a LOT of people that this practice really helped, in ways they never expected. OMing was huge in San Francisco and once in Boulder, until a few people started taking too much advantage of their power. Then it all crashed. Rightly so. Still, it lives on in lots of ways and healthier communities. I suggest doing this practice ONLY with someone you trust and are very comfortable. The beginning will probably be awkward, but a whole universe will open up for you, and you’ll be amazed by how little you knew about yourself up until this big opening.
My story: I was always opposed to this practice because I thought it was unhealthy, but one day my teacher asked me how I was doing and I said, “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been very depressed, and it’s not getting any better. I’ve tried everything.” And so, with awareness that this was very sensitive material, she suggested OMing. I didn’t have anything to lose- I just had one of the most traumatic losses of my life and was just barely hanging on. So I tried it. I was terrified. I had shut down all of my sexuality in order to prevent heartbreak that might occur if I loved someone again. The grief and trauma was immense, and I couldn’t stand the thought of someone even kissing me. It made me want to throw up.
That changed quickly. Part of what had me feeling safe with this practice was that I practiced with people that were spiritually developed, that it was a 15-min practice and couldn’t go over that limit, that I could ask for anything that I wanted, that nothing was expected of me, that I was in no way supposed to feel anything other than what I felt, that no one was allowed to get a crush on me or want something from me, that the intention was for healing and awareness only, that I got to pick who to practice with, and that after that 15 min, I could just go home, no strings attached. My heart was safe. It made a world of difference to me that I wasn’t supposed to have an orgasm, get off, please my partner or anything. If that’s what was happening it could happen, but if I was cranky or sobbing that was just as welcome. THAT IS THE PRACTICE. To embrace everything, with contact in a place where we can’t run from our sensitivity.
My relationship with my sexuality healed, but that was nothing. I’ll say one thing that really is the only thing that matters to me: This practice brought me closer to God than ever. It found all the parts of me that didn’t want to be on this planet, all the most innocent parts of me that numbed out or shut down or gave up or didn’t care and brought them straight to the part of me that longed deeply for life. I could feel the most innocent part of my inner child, in all of her grief and pain and shyness- She was brought straight into the arms of the deepest, most ecstatic love and union with the Divine. The more I surrendered the more Divine Life poured through me, and all I could do was praise. This isn’t what you should expect, but this IS what happened for me. There was no place to run away. And when I could feel that my partner was right there with me in the most vulnerable place possible, I was soaring in heartfelt bliss. To me, in healing work, the most we could every expect is that the most innocent, tender parts of ourselves be reunited with love, with the Divine. There is no greater ecstasy than having the most human parts of us united with God. There it is, I said it. I hope you can understand why this was so beautiful for me. When there’s no place for us to run other than into the arms of acceptance and love, finally those reluctant parts are willing to take in nourishment. And THAT is exquisitely beautiful.
Here’s a link to some info here: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/zfdx7sgnun06w2m/AAAAyl4NxAa-cBf9cTYYqQ49a?dl=0