Nervous System Regulation & Resourcing
In between sessions, here are some tools you can use for regulating your nervous system and helping you feel safe during times of stress or anxiety. There are really endless ways to resource your system—it’s just about exploring and noticing what your body responds to most. As you practice, allow yourself to linger in any pleasant experience for as long as feels natural. Our brains tend to register something good briefly and then move on to something less pleasant. Here, we’re gently training the system to stay with and expand its capacity for the good. After working with thousands of clients, I’ve found that what people are looking for the most is to feel safe. We have the opportunity to show our bodies—and our inner children—what that can feel like in a whole new way.
A couple of tips:
We’re not trying to fix anything. Instead, we’re bringing awareness to our experience without judging it or trying to force change. When we try to fix, it can activate a stress response. When we approach with curiosity and non-judgment, the brain begins to recognize that our experience is safe, supported, and accepted. This mindful state creates space between stimulus and response, which can shift how we relate to what’s happening.
Enter these practices with kindness toward yourself and your body. This is a space where you get to care for yourself.
You can choose to work with something real or imagined. The nervous system responds to both—it’s just about choosing something that feels aligned with what you need or want. The resource should feel simple and not bring up unpleasant associations.
External Resourcing / Orienting Through the Senses
Our senses help anchor us in the present moment, and vision tends to have the strongest impact on the brain. Using your eyes to take in your surroundings signals safety in the present moment. It can quiet the mind and bring you into the here and now. In the wild, animals are constantly orienting to their environment, scanning and exploring to assess safety.
Practice:
Let your gaze rest on something in your environment that feels pleasant or interesting. You can focus on one thing or gently look around. As you stay with what you’re seeing, notice any shifts in your body. Do you feel a sense of settling? Expansion? Warmth? Lightness or grounding? For example, you might look at a plant or sunlight coming through a window and notice a softening in your body. You can also orient through other senses—smelling a flower, touching something soft, or listening to a soothing sound like laughter or ocean waves.
Using the Body as a Resource
No matter how intense things feel, there is usually at least one place in the body that feels neutral or even good.
Grounding:
You might begin by noticing the support of the couch or chair against your back, hips, or legs. Feeling your feet on the floor can also be helpful. As you stay with these sensations of support, the activation in the mind and upper body often begins to settle. Some people also find grounding in the area of the heart, sensing a kind of steady, unconditional support.
Working with opposites:
If one area of the body feels uncomfortable, bringing attention to a place that feels more neutral or pleasant can help regulate the system. For example, if there’s tension in your shoulders, you might focus on a more comfortable sensation in your hips. You can stay with the more pleasant area or gently move attention back and forth between the two until things begin to shift.
Relational Resourcing
Much of our nervous system dysregulation comes from early relational experiences. No matter what your childhood was like, our caregivers and environments are never perfect, and our bodies can hold onto unmet needs. Healing often happens in connection—with others and with ourselves. As social beings, our nervous systems rely on feeling loved, accepted, seen, and that we belong.
Relational resourcing can be both simple and complex. The simple part is asking: What does this part of me need? The more complex part is that receiving care for unmet needs can bring up activation or grief. It’s important to choose a resource that feels accessible and not overwhelming—for example, imagining a parent being different might feel too activating. Instead, choose something that feels clean and supportive.
Practice:
Ask yourself what your system needs in order to feel regulated and cared for. Do you want to feel seen, loved, safe? What would that look like? Who might offer that—yourself, someone you know, a group of friends, or even a spiritual presence? Is this for your present self or a younger version of you? Notice what feels like the right amount—not too little, not too much.
As you take in this experience, go slowly and observe any shifts in your body. You might encounter some resistance or a sense of holding back—this is normal and often means you’re touching something important. You can acknowledge these protective parts and continue gently offering the resource without forcing it.
Imagine a child who hasn’t received consistent care—what they need most is the steady presence of someone who isn’t going anywhere. You can simply sit with this part of yourself in that same way, without an agenda. Like water meeting the shore, the care is the water and the guarded part is the shore. Over time, with repeated contact, that part may begin to soften and allow in more of that safety and care.
Keep noticing what shifts in your body as you take in these experiences.
Here are a few other ways to support your nervous system:
Socializing (supports a sense of safety, connection, and belonging)
Spending time in nature
Yoga or meditation (without forcing—just gentle connection)
Humming or singing (this is a favorite). The vibration stimulates the vagus nerve and can help reset the system. Longer exhales during humming or singing promote relaxation. Different tones may resonate in different areas of the body—higher tones often in the upper body, lower tones in the lower body.
Touch. Self-touch or safe touch from another person tells our body we are safe and cared for. Babies, animals and our brain stems respond so quickly to touch. Even imagining someone is giving you a hug or has their hand on your back can help.
Spending time with animals
Creative expression: music, art, writing, etc.
